### Overcoming Trauma: A Personal Reflective Essay
I am not brave or courageous enough to stand or post a video of myself saying this. I am not fierce like some of the women I know, and I never got a chance to share this when it deeply affected me. It hurts so much to remember what it was like to feel helpless and to think I was the only one experiencing this. I was a victim of domestic violence. Back then, I was young, angry, and dumb but not stupid. Here I am, thinking about girls out there who suffer from the same kind of trauma. I googled it, read articles about it, and even books. I wanted to understand how it happens and how to heal from it.
Trauma is often described by scientists as an injury from physical or emotional distress. Of the three types of trauma, the one that most young women suffer from is complex trauma. It is mainly caused by domestic violence, neglect, or childhood abuse. Most girls grow up without their fathers, and we all know a father-daughter relationship is vital in shaping a girl’s character, especially in building self-confidence and influencing her opinions about men. The girls who grow up without a father or whose father is not available in their daily lives tend to overthink and reject men who propose to them for fear of neglect or abandonment (Herman, 1992).
Young women who were neglected at birth think that their fathers did not love them enough to want to spend their life with them. My friend Janey once shared that she needs a man who will love her as her father would. She feels a void in her life because she never experienced a dad's love, and it haunts her deeply to realize she is all grown up and the men who court her cannot fill the void. It saddens my heart because Janey is suffering from complex trauma, and she does not realize it. She thinks it is normal, and she consoles herself with words like "I will work hard, build a house, look for a sperm donor, and raise my kids all by myself."
She does not sit down and think about her kid's future. Would she want them to grow up without a dad as she did? What if it affects them just like it affected her? We live in a society where we want to run away from our problems rather than solve them. Women suffering from rejection, especially from their father, should seek medical attention and get encouragement from their mothers with words like "It shall be well," "I love you more and I will do anything to make you happy," and "People make mistakes, and your dad made one, and I wish you could forgive him" (van der Kolk, 2014).
My trauma was healed the day my mother took the responsibility of encouraging me, building me, and making me believe that not all people are the same. Some people out there are nice and warm. It took a while, but I forgave life. It will not come easy for you; it might take years, but the willingness of your mind to recover is what will make a difference. I am not trying to change you. I want you to know I was there, and I conquered every bit of trauma, the depression, the stress, and the overthinking. Seek help from a professional and remember you are loved by me and you.
From the big sister you never had.
### References
Herman, J. L. (1992). Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence—From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror. New York: Basic Books.
van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. New York: Viking.
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